Learn how, for Valentine’s day and beyond, to transform a tantrum into a love fest, a happier, deeper love connection with your kids without “giving up” or “giving in”!
Marina del Rey, CA (PRWEB) February 14, 2012
Valentine’s day is here and at this time of year we don’t usually like to focus on the negatives in our relationships with our loved ones, but at some point in time every parent usually says (or at least thinks) “My kids are driving me crazy!” or they are embarrassed, again, when in public, or with friends or family, their little (or not so little) one has a “temper tantrum.”
Wouldn’t it be great to feel cool, calm and collected and even loving when faced with a tantrum? And what’s more, what if as a Valentine’s day present to you (and your kids) you could stop tantrums or even prevent them?
Tantrums 911 expert, Valerie Jampolsky, reveals to parents five easy steps to never let a tantrum unravel them again and how, for Valentine’s day and beyond, to transform a tantrum into a love fest, a happier, deeper love connection with their kids without “giving up” or “giving in”.
Here are 5 tips that I offer parents to transform their kids’ tantrums into a deeper loving connection with their kids:
1. Put on Your Oxygen Mask First: Before saying anything to your child, take a couple deep breaths and give yourself some self-empathy in the moment (e.g., “I’m really frustrated, I really need things to be easier”) and remind yourself of your overall parenting goals of connection, trust, mutual giving, instead of resentment, judgment and rebellion (i.e., when you’re not looking, or as teenagers, even when you are looking!)
2. Be a Video Camera, Not a Prosecuting Attorney: Observe what your child is doing as if you are a video camera, without judgment or creating enemy images of your child.
3. Look Under the Tip of the Iceberg with an Open Heart: Lovingly ask questions (not interrogate) to find out what is the real underlying need that your child is trying to meet (i.e., don’t focus on the current strategy/behavior) until your child “gets” that you “get” their needs without judgment”: Are you feeling (x) because you need (y)?”
4. Brainstorm Solutions Together: Ask if your child is willing to hear your needs and brainstorm solutions together to meet both your needs. For preverbal kids, invite fun alternatives to meet their needs that also meets your needs or sometimes, just connecting so they “get” that you “get” and support their needs is enough (more on how to do that in the Tantrums 911 App coming soon!).
5. Open Eyes, Open Arms Open Heart: A Preventative measure: Be there with open eyes, open arms and open heart, when your kids come to you and practice these same skills when there is no crisis (I.e., share their joy of meeting a need) (e.g., “Wow! You built a big tower of blocks! Was that fun?).
Valerie Jampolsky is a single parent of two amazing twin boys, a child and family therapist, an entertainment attorney and the creator of the App, Tantrums 911 available next week for iPhones and iPads and coming soon for Android phones. See http://www.tantrums911.com for more info.
Tantrums 911 is based on Valerie Jampolsky’s program, “Parenting 911: Open Hearted Parenting,” (http://www.parentinghelpnow.com) which is based on Marshall Rosenberg’s NVC teachings which have been helping families worldwide transform their relationships with their kids For Over 40 Years!