(PRWEB) March 04, 2012
Getting rid of a person doesn't get rid of a problem
March is being heralded as "divorce month" for the instances of breakups that take place (http://finance.yahoo.com/news/love-relationships-march-divorce-month-100000471.html) This time of year - after the holidays, and still dealing with winter doldrums - is prime time for relationships to fizzle. Fifty percent of divorce filings by lawyers are done starting in January after the holidays, and peak in March.
People are dealing with unrealistic and unmet holiday expectations and depression that can come during winter when it's cold and gloomy. Men's fantasy turns to love and peaks in the spring -when the weather is getting nice and they realize that they'd like to experience the excitement of love - they then may realize that something is missing from their current relationship.
Dr.Bonnie Eaker Weil says people always pick a partner that gives them the most "trouble" - which is the way it's supposed to be. But because of that, couples don't work on things and often don't know that this is what's happening, and don't know how to navigate the challenges presented by this person. People pick a partner who challenges them because herein lies the potential to heal them the most, unbeknown to them. The problem occurs because so many people don't have the skills to navigate these challenges.
"It's my feeling," says Dr.Bonnie, "that people don't know how to navigate the power struggle stage of a relationship." This occurs after the first 18 months when the "honey moan" has died down. Couples often give up during the power struggle stage and don't stay around long enough to reach real life love. "They leave when the going gets tough instead of getting going on working on how to stay in love not just fall in love," observes Dr. Bonnie.
But Dr. Bonnie believes most relationships can be saved, and most people are connectable by instruction, which she talks about in her book Make Up Don't Break Up. Instead of bolting, during this power struggle phase, couples need to stay together and develop the tools to make it through difficult phases. If people do correctly navigate these challenges, it can spice up the romance and magic and provide the sizzle necessary for excitement people crave.
Dr. Bonnie says when people pick partners who give them the most trouble, it's supposed to be set up that way so each person in the couple is challenged in the power struggle phase after the honey moon. That's what's supposed to happen if it's done correctly, and why Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue. It helps couples create safety in their relationship after the hormones of the first 18 months have died down.
Providing a safe space in which each person can be honest helps couples learn how to fight fair which is crucial to long lasting marriages. "If you're not fighting, you're not loving," says Dr. Bonnie, "Fighting fair helps to clear the air." Polite marriages are also prone to failure but conflict has to be managed in a constructive way - polite marriages are more likely to end in divorce and adultery says Dr. Bonnie. "Couples throw in the towel and refuse to work on things because they are challenged by their partner but don't know how to handle it."
Challenge is good, people need it to help sustain the feeling they had when they first fell in love. Dr Bonnie knows that people who leave a relationship will only take their problems with them - it's why so many second marriages end in divorce. "Couples can always get a divorce but getting rid of a person doesn't get rid of the problem," she advises. "Divorce has to come as a last resort."
Dr. Bonnie urges couples to learn to recreate the same chemicals they had when they first fell in love: "Couples need to routinely create another honeymoon - not leave their current partner and go to a new one." To that end, she advises couples have checkups with each other on a regular basis: daily, weekly, monthly, every three months, and every six months. The power struggle phase is inevitable, which is why Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue as a stepping stone to real life love.
Instead of heading toward relationship rubble restore the magic and sizzle the Dr. Bonnie way.
Text ADULTERY to 82257 to find out from Dr Bonnie if adultery may be looming in your relationship!
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Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's best-selling book, Adultery the Forgivable Sin is being re-released under a new distributor and making its appearance available in eBook format and print on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019076&sr=8-1). Adultery the Forgivable Sin was also made into a Lifetime Original Movie starring Kate Jackson.
Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, is also author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award-winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples, singles, and step families. She works with those considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.
Named the Best Local Therapist in 2011 by the US Commerce Association and known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of other books like Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Making Money Sexy.
Dr. Bonnie was named by Psychology Today and NY Magazine as one of America's Best Therapists and is presently featured and available now on the Discovery Health/Oprah Winfrey Network documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. Find her on Good Morning America's three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, and a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN; and is often featured in USA Today and the New York Times. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.