Dr. Bonnie Weighs in on Accidental "I Love Yous"

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Half of men say "I Love You" by accident says a new survey (http://bit.ly/yUOdey). Whether it's the wine talking, a moment of sexual ecstasy, or they let it slip out unconsciously, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says the worst thing you can do is press them on it.

Half of men say "I Love You" by accident says a new survey (http://bit.ly/yUOdey). Whether it's the wine talking, a moment of sexual ecstasy, or they let it slip out unconsciously, Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says the worst thing you can do is press them on it.

"Sometimes these words slip out because it's how the man really feels," explains Dr. Bonnie, "but sometimes they are saying it to get what they want." Because 80 percent of men are distancers, they often have issues with commitment and intimacy and it can be more problematic for women - 80 percent of whom are pursuers - to try to get at the root of what they really mean.

Dr. Bonnie explains that she often sees men in her practice who end up "retracting" the "I Love You," or retreat after saying it, blaming it on a moment of insanity or passion or excitement. If women try to pry "I love you" out of a man, the man will usually say "I don't know."

So what does this really mean? "Unconsciously he really does love you," assures Dr. Bonnie, "they just might not know it yet, even though you know it. Don't press the issue but know that they really do love you." Men are often afraid to admit this because they're worried they'll get sucked into "your vortex," or get suffocated by the relationship.

If a man disconnects after he accidentally says "I love you," he either does love you, or is afraid to fall in love, or is falling. Don't be surprised if he disconnects after the Freudian slip he's made which means he will do something like not call for a week, or not see you for a week. How should you behave? Don't mention that he said "I love you" and plan some benign activities together (not extra-curricular) so it "sneaks up on him." If all else fails have a Smart Heart Dr. Bonnie Dialogue with him: "Say something like, 'I'm wondering if our recent sexual interlude was too close for comfort. It's ok if you're scared, I'm scared too. We can take a little time away and take a breather."

"Just leave it to your imagination," says Dr. Bonnie, "know that you are loved, but your man may not know how to say it. It's how a distancer behaves - their motus operandi is to disconnect." It's better to let things rest and let it suss itself out over time than to push the man on the issue.

Dr. Bonnie http://youtu.be/BjrqJoWX3K4talks more about distancers, their feelings, and how to tease those feelings out in Make Up Don't Break Up.

Text ADULTERY to 82257 to find out from Dr Bonnie if adultery may be looming in your relationship!

Interested in a few dating tips from internationally acclaimed relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil?
Text DATINGTIPS to 82257 to receive Tips and Updates from Dr. Bonnie!

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil's best-selling book, Adultery the Forgivable Sin is being re-released under a new distributor and making its appearance available in eBook format and print on Amazon.com (http://www.amazon.com/Adultery-Forgivable-Bonnie-Eaker-Weil/dp/1587768151/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1321019076&sr=8-1). Adultery the Forgivable Sin was also made into a Lifetime Original Movie starring Kate Jackson.

Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil, PhD, is also author of the 2010 New York Times Reader’s Choice Award-winning book Make Up Don’t Break Up with accompanying DVD. Dr. Bonnie counsels couples, singles, and step families. She works with those considering breaking up, people who have committed adultery, and couples who want to strengthen their relationships damaged by resentment or unresolved anger, teaching people to “fight” to increase passion, bring back magic and restore the sizzle. Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Dialogue along with communication and connection tools, and counsel’s families and children.

Named the Best Local Therapist in 2011 by the US Commerce Association and known as “The Adultery Buster” and the “No. 1 Love Expert,” she is the best-selling author of other books like Can We Cure and Forgive Adultery?, How Not to (S)mother Your Man and Keep a Woman Happy, and Financial Infidelity: Making Money Sexy.

Dr. Bonnie was named by Psychology Today and NY Magazine as one of America's Best Therapists and is presently featured and available now on the Discovery Health/Oprah Winfrey Network documentary titled "Unfaithful" and A&E on addictions. Find her on Good Morning America's three-day series on NBC’s The Today Show, The Oprah Winfrey Show five times, and a four day series on Fox TV regarding dating. She appears frequently on ABC, Fox, CBS and NBC News, The View, 20/20, and CNN; and is often featured in USA Today and the New York Times. Visit Dr. Bonnie at http://www.DoctorBonnie.com.

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