New York, NY (PRWEB) May 13, 2012
With Mother's Day this weekend, it seems almost impossible to forget the special day. But many mothers won't have the day of their dreams, and it could be because their husbands - either consciously or subconsciously - are holding a grudge, says Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil.
"Men 'forgetting' Mother's Day, or letting it go by in an inconsequential manner is an unconscious or passive aggressive way of taking revenge out on their wives for something that upset them," explains Dr. Bonnie. The husband might be upset about something the wife did, and then be holding a grudge about it. Because the couple hasn't communicated about this issue, it can manifest in hurtful and unthoughtful ways, like the husband forgetting the day altogether, forgetting to get a card or gift, using the excuse that they don't know what kind of gift to get, forgetting to have the children get a gift, or being forced to make last-minute plans.
Cheating website, AshelyMadison.com, says the highest enrollment day for women on their website is the day after Mother's Day (http://bit.ly/KuhCMO). Dr. Bonnie says this is likely because the mother was forgotten or disappointed by what was supposed to be her special day, and feels unloved or unappreciated. It's a very hurtful way to say "I'm mad at you," points out Dr. Bonnie.
Instead, Dr. Bonnie teaches Smart Heart Skills and Dialogue so couples learn how to air their differences as soon as they manifest themselves so they don't build into hurtful forgetfulness. Anger is a natural emotion, and it's normal for couples to have fights with each other - these things help keep the passion alive in a relationship. "A marriage without disagreements and frustration is a polite marriage," explains Dr. Bonnie, "and that's not good either because polite marriage always lead in to adultery." Conflict is good so couples can have passion but when it's swept under the rug it produces painful consequences.
Instead, Dr. Bonnie instructs her patients to set aside just ten minutes a week to talk about any specific issues or actions that have been bothersome in the past week. This gives a safe space, apart from the heat of the moment, to explain any concerns or frustrations that couples have.
This helps couples avoid passive aggressive manifestations of anger that end up being painful, and even detrimental, to a relationship.
To see more about Dr. Bonnie's work with Smart Heart Skills, check out her book Make Up Don't Break Up, or click here: http://youtu.be/BjrqJoWX3K4. Or to learn about how to prevent adultery look at her book Adultery the Forgivable Sin.