"Seven Days of Sex" a Good First Step says Dr. Bonnie

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A new reality show, Seven Days of Sex, encourages couples to recapture their intimacy and rebuild their relationship by engaging in sex for seven consecutive days. (http://huff.to/KG3OAM) Sex and relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says the show is on the right track but there are a few things to remember. Couples on the show may be happy in sweat pants, or glued to their cell phone so it's no wonder that some of the magic has gone out of their relationship. "Sex is the glue that keeps a couple together," explains Dr. Bonnie, "but it won't just 'happen,' especially when couples have lost focus of this aspect of their relationship."

A new reality show, Seven Days of Sex, encourages couples to recapture their intimacy and rebuild their relationship by engaging in sex for seven consecutive days. (http://huff.to/KG3OAM) Sex and relationship therapist Dr. Bonnie Eaker Weil says the show is on the right track but there are a few things to remember. Couples on the show may be happy in sweat pants, or glued to their cell phone so it's no wonder that some of the magic has gone out of their relationship. "Sex is the glue that keeps a couple together," explains Dr. Bonnie, "but it won't just 'happen,' especially when couples have lost focus of this aspect of their relationship."

If you don't use it, you lose it, Dr. Bonnie says. She underscores the importance that couples continue to do things to turn themselves and their partners on otherwise they'll get bored with themselves and with each other. "If a person is constantly pre-occupied with the minutia of the day, if they've lost their way when it comes to feeling and acting sexy, they're not going to be turned on later - in terms of adventure, unpredictability, stimulation and excitement in their every day lives instead of routine, which will then translate to the bedroom. It's the whole picture, not just what couples do in the bedroom."

In this way Dr. Bonnie draws parallels between prioritizing sex and doing things like managing finances, working out, or even fighting insomnia. "It's about what people do all day to put these things in the forefront of their mind. Budgets don't automatically balance themselves. A person dealing with insomnia can't just decide to fall asleep." It's about what people do during the ins and outs of each day that leads to a balanced budget - like saving first before spending discretionary income, otherwise people would never save money! - or a restful night, or a fulfilling sex life. As for the show, it brings sex to the forefront of the couple's mind says Dr. Bonnie. "Most people won't be able to have seven straight days of sex, but maybe they'll be able to do one or two days." Have spontaneous, planned sex in order to make sex a priority just like saving money becomes a priority, advises Dr. Bonnie, instead of waiting till everything is in perfect order. "Things will never be in perfect order, there will always be dirty dishes and unmade beds - so if you're waiting for that you'll never have sex!"

This Seven Days exercise forces people to look at romance, intimacy, and closeness - and to recreate chemicals they had when they first fell in love suggests Dr. Bonnie. They must pay attention to the romance of the relationship in order to restore the sizzle and magic. "Novelty and excitement has to be constantly worked at," says Dr. Bonnie, "most people can't just suddently have sex. Seven days of sex will put sex in the forefront of couples' minds but that's not the only key."

The key is to work on not being boring with each other, in order to bring back an aura of novelty and excitement. It can start with the little things, suggests Dr. Bonnie: don't call each other at the same time every day, don't have sex at the same time, don't do things in the same way. Don't text or email during the day, save it up for at night when there can be more mystery. All these things will make for a better sex life.

Additionally, make time to connect physically and emotionally. Even holding hands releases dopamine and oxytocin to make couples feel bonded and alive. To piggyback off a recent trend, Dr. Bonnie mentions that some of her patients have been using the book "50 Shades of Gray" to spice up the bedroom. "But be careful not to use it as pressure," she cautions. Don't push for sex, it has to be natural. "People who may be worried about performance issues will get more traumatized. It's a delicate balance between planning and letting things happen naturally." Couples can't make their sex lives a non-priority and expect things to remain exciting and healthy. But they also can't force the issue or it will cause more anxiety.

Find more information on restoring a relationship's sizzle in Dr. Bonnie's book, Make Up Don't Break Up and the attached DVD, Falling in Love and Staying in Love.

To see Dr. Bonnie talking more about "Seven Days of Sex" and how to improve your sex life, click here: http://youtu.be/N6zeufq0t_Y

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