It really does take two to tango, and separated or divorced people need to own – and then forgive – the part they played in the breakdown of their marriages.
(PRWEB) December 29, 2014
Coping with New Year’s Eve can be challenging for people going through separation or divorce. However, this is the perfect time to make some powerful resolutions to step onto the path to happiness and prosperity. Here are the top ten suggestions for 2014 New Year’s Resolutions for separated or divorced individuals from the editors of Divorce Magazine.
1) Complete the divorce this year. “If you’ve been dragging your heels – either hoping for reconciliation or to cause maximum aggravation for your ex – it’s time to complete the paperwork so you can start your new life in the New Year,” advises Divorce Magazine Editorial Director Diana Shepherd.
2) Stop fighting battles from a dead marriage. People dealing with separation and divorce should resolve not to use their lawyer or the court to try to settle their emotional issues with their exes: it’s the most expensive and least effective way to handle these disputes. Ask a therapist, life coach, or wise friend for assistance in working through these issues.
3) Update wills, trusts, insurance policies, and estate plans (if any). Separated people should revoke their will by literally tearing it up and making a new one. If their situation is relatively simple, they can make a basic will or living trust using software designed for the purpose; if their situation is more complicated, they should hire a lawyer to create these documents for them. They should consider:
a) naming a new executor for their will.
b) updating beneficiary designations for life insurance policies and pensions (unless their divorce agreement calls for their ex-spouse to remain the beneficiary).
c) naming powers of attorney for medical and financial matters.
4) Meet with a financial expert. Before finalizing their divorce, separated people should get some objective advice about how to achieve their financial goals from an expert who specializes in divorce issues.
5) Agree not to badmouth the other parent in front of the children. Separated or divorced parents should encourage their children to love and spend time with their other parent instead of causing painful loyalty conflicts for them.
6) Never withhold visitation or child support to punish an ex-spouse. “Children of divorce adjust better and are happier if they have frequent, meaningful contact with both parents,” says Divorce Magazine Publisher Dan Couvrette. Also, child support is more often paid on-time and in-full when the payor sees his/her kids frequently.
7) Be cooperative co-parents. "For instance, try to accommodate reasonable requests to alter the visitation schedule from time to time," Couvrette suggests. Both parents should be welcome (and should behave themselves) at the children’s milestone events, such as graduations, weddings, and the birth of grandchildren. Children shouldn’t fear having their parents in the same room – it will ruin their special days.
8) Start exercising regularly to banish depression. Exercise triggers the brain to releases endorphins and serotonin, which make people feel happier. Study after study has shown the emotional benefits of regular exercise – including one published in JAMA Psychiatry (Oct. 15, 2014), which demonstrated that 45 minutes of moderate exercise four to five times a week can make a big difference to mental as well as physical health.
9) Forgive their ex-spouse. "Forgiveness is as much for the person who grants it as for the person who receives it," says Shepherd. "If you don’t forgive your ex, you’ll be bound to him/her indefinitely. To forgive is to be free."
10) Forgive themselves. It really does take two to tango, and separated or divorced people need to own – and then forgive – the part they played in the breakdown of their marriages. If they were blindsided by the divorce, they may have to forgive themselves for ignoring the warning signs.
People coping with separation and divorce can adapt these suggestions for 2014 New Year’s Resolutions to suit their individual circumstances -- or just use this list as inspiration for creating their own Resolutions.
Published since 1996, Divorce Magazine is North America’s only magazine devoted entirely to divorce-related issues. The magazine helps divorcing individuals and families through the process in the most economical and least traumatic way possible. It offers practical help and information about divorce-related issues – from child support to visitation, mediation to litigation, divorce recovery to dating after divorce.