Kids need to talk about how co-parenting will work, from where they will celebrate holidays to who will put them to bed at night. Be willing to listen, not know all the answers, and work through things together as a new family.
Queens, NY (PRWEB) October 30, 2017
Divorce can be a devastating experience for children, but the reality is that is occurs in many households and is often the result of a long period of disagreement between spouses. Parents are not divorcing to harm children, but rather to help them grow up in a more stable and trusting environment. The problem is that the proper way to approach divorce with children is rarely discussed. Bruce Feinstein, Esq. an experienced family law attorney in Queens, New York, recently took the opportunity to speak about his four key strategies for dealing with divorce and children.
Mr. Feinstein’s first strategy is to speak about the impact of divorce on children’s schedules while negotiating a parenting agreement. This defines each parent’s roles in making custody and visiting schedules, decision-making capabilities, and financial matters. It is important to remove negative feelings about a future ex-spouse when making these decisions. This can be a difficult task to accomplish, but what is key is remembering that both spouses will continue to fight with issues of betrayal and anger after the agreement is finalized. This is a long-term discussion about raising children, not a power battle to be won or lost. And it is not a discussion that should be had with children. Co-parenting failure arises when a spouse expresses anger or regret about the divorce and its causes with children.
This brings up Mr. Feinstein’s second approach to handing divorce with children in New York: maintaining a level of respect between parents. It will be tough to do, but expressing encouragement will make a huge impact on the co-parenting relationship. “It’s so easy to talk down an ex-spouse when they miss a playdate or are late on a child support payment. And these are issues that need to be discussed, but offering positive reinforcement of good behavior goes so much farther in these new parenting roles,” says Mr. Feinstein.
A third key issue parents need to cover during divorce is change. Spouses should understand that change is not only occurring to them, but also to their children. And they need to be ready to realize and adjust to new schedules, communication tactics, and financial obligations that impact everyone in the family. Open communication helps this adjustment period, such as regular check-ins with an ex-spouse, or online scheduling. “Many spouses stay in a relationship because the dangers of change and uncertainty of splitting up a family are scary, “ says Mr. Feinstein, “but addressing this fear of change and finding the best solutions for children is incredibly important.”
Finally, Mr. Feinstein encourages parents to talk with their children about life after divorce. “Promote an environment where it is OK to talk about fears or concerns,” says Mr. Feinstein. “Kids need to talk about how co-parenting will work, from where they will celebrate holidays to who will put them to bed each night. And issues will vary depending on a child’s age. Be willing to listen, not know all the answers, and work through things together as a new family.”
The Law Offices of Bruce Feinstein has nearly two decades of experience in divorce and family law, helping clients and families resolve their issues and move forward with their lives. If you are thinking of getting married or divorced and want more information visit feinsteindivorcelaw.com or call (718) 475-6039 to reach the New York office.