Only 4% of gay men over 40 are in loving, committed, long term relationships, says Gay Matchmaker And Gay Life Coach.
Miami, FL (PRWEB) November 28, 2012
"Only 4% of gay men over 40 are in loving, committed, long term relationships" says Paul Angelo MHA, MBA, gay matchmaker and gay life coach from Miami.
Readers can visit Angelo's website at http://www.PaulAngelo.com.
After surveying 313 gay men, who are older than 40, Angelo attributes gay relationship difficulties to 7 factors:
1. Poor emotional self-management.
2. Lack of role models.
3. Sexualization of relationships.
4. Accepting gay relationship myths.
5. Lack of support.
6. Body alienation linked to HIV and low self-esteem.
7. Addiction to anal intercourse.
"Gay relationships can work, but but only when both men get coaching and therapy, sometimes for many years." says Angelo.
The Gay Matchmaker attributes poor emotional self-management as the key factor in gay relationship difficulties. Lack of awareness of how a gay man feels leads to automatic negative behaviors running "hidden" from conscious awareness.
Examples of such habits are judgements of other gay men, negative self-talk, rejection after getting triggered, comparisons of current experience to past relationships and negative projections based on previous negative experiences.
In the absence of awareness of those patterns, a gay man is unable to correct them. The result is that over many years, the gay man experiences so much disappointment and rejections caused by lack of awareness of his self-incriminating patterns that he may conclude that relationships are not for him. In such situations, Angelo recommends starting a journal and tracking all negative thoughts and emotions. Through cognitive-behavioral techniques, a gay man can identify the beliefs that create the negative thoughts and emotions and eliminate them. Often this is the first step in a fast recovery from the domino-effect of a handful of beliefs that have been dominating a gay man's life for decades.
According to the gay matchmaker, lack of role models also contributes to gay relationships ending too soon. Gay relationships involve conflicts that include discomfort and pain. Having role models of other gay men who have remained in relationships despite conflicts and setbacks is important for a gay man who has no relationship experience and who wrongly assumes that a good relationship is one without conflicts.
Angelo openly admits to conflict in his own relationship - as often as on a weekly basis. Such conflict helped him overcome his fears of abandonment and of being loved. According to Angelo, conflict opens the gay man to his shadow personality - a place where unwanted feelings were put away many years ago. A gay relationship can be a transformative experience for any gay man to integrate the shadow and embrace it. The benefit often translates into improvements in other areas of the man's life - money and health.
"Gay lifestyle can be over-sexualized", says Angelo. Reality is that gay men also need intimacy, love and respect - most of which are not received during sex. A gay man cannot have a stable gay relationship if he evaluates the relationship based on the quality of sexual experience. "Top or bottom are old-fashioned labels that used to work. They no longer serve a modern gay man who wants a family and a loving long-term relationship", says Angelo.
According to Angelo, gay relationship myths dominate gay life. Often, those are ideas and expectations borrowed from the straight community and adapted to create a subjective defense against taking responsibility and being authentic.
Often a gay man feels like a victim and wants to be rescued by a "Top Alpha Male" who has lots of money, powerful persona and charisma. Perpetuation of "wanting to be rescued" mentality abound in gay men who are "bottoms". Any gay man ought to discover for himself that he is the creator of his life and no other man can create happiness and fulfillment for him. Through coaching, Angelo turns a victim-based mentality of a gay man into a responsible "captain and leader-based" mental state. This can take 3-12 months depending on the severity of low self-esteem of a person. When the transformation is complete, the gay man feels in charge of his life and attracts scores of other men into his life looking for a stable relationship.
Angelo says that without support from a gay coach or a gay therapist, gay men tend to make mistakes in dating and relationships and rarely get a chance to experience genuine love.
Unlike straight men and women, gay men are under a lot of psychological disadvantages that can create a permanent limitation to fulfillment in personal life. Body alienation and addiction to anal intercourse are examples of psychological conditions that are very common in most gay men.
To learn more about Paul Angelo and to take advantage of his gay matchmaking services including the Coach-Match-Mentor Program, readers can visit his website at http://www.PaulAngelo.com.