How could you love your parent/child or your spouse in spite of who they are?
Los Angeles CA (PRWEB) May 12, 2013
As Mother's Day is here, some children and mothers actually feel awkward and stressful about this celebrated day.
Mother's Day is traditionally a day to celebrate the love of mothers but it could very well be a day for some sons and daughters to convey to their mother that they could still provide her with a gift, a dinner and some flowers but that's about it - truth be told, they do not actually feel an honest love for their mother.
And if there are special words to express, the Hallmark cards would 'say it perfectly' and the child thinks he or she has fulfilled his or her obligation in the celebration of Mother's Day.
The WikiAnswers website even has an entry on Mother's Day. Other than describing how this day was celebrated by millions around the world, the entry ended with "Mother's day is only ignored by some people who do not have good relationship with their mom for one reason or the other."
So to keep up with tradition and the spirit of the special day, most daughters and sons would celebrate Mother's Day but is this simply a duty to perform?
What if your mother is not all that loving or caring - in your viewpoint - would you still send her a card which tells her how wonderful she is?
Family expert and bestselling author Hellen Chen, who has been on over 200 interviews and publications sharing relationship and family advices in America, chimed in, "Many of us have had moments where we deeply dislike our parents. Maybe they were too negative. Maybe they were too quarrelsome. Maybe they were downright mean about our accomplishments which we think well of or maybe they never care."
"Parents are not always right and they may not always love the child." Chen said, "Parents may feel obliged to provide for the child and the child will return the obligation when he or she gets older. But this action still does not mean there is love involved from both sides."
Chen said trying to force the relationship will turn the relationship into misery for both sides.
Indeed. Emilie C was a divorced mother whose only daughter has ended up in the custody of her ex-husband. Feeling that she has lost everything, she desperately wanted her daughter to feel close to her -- to the point that her daughter start hating her and cursing at her. After counseled by Chen, Emilie discovered some hard truths.
"I actually do not love my daughter. I have just wanted to prove that I have control over her." Emilie confessed.
The road back up from the bottom was a hard long road for Emilie. Chen counseled her for about 8 years and not only she has found her confidence in a new marriage but for the first time, she has also learned how to love her child - by letting her daughter to be herself.
So if one has an unchanging parent whose behavior is constantly creating rifts in the relationship, what could a child do?
Chen smiled, "Honesty plays a big part. Be yourself is another part. If you could just be yourself and simply communicate any feelings you have honestly, without drama and without wanting to fight your parents at every turn, you might be surprised to find that they actually would change or even if they do not change, you have at least expressed your stand honestly without sweeping it under the carpet."
But what about the heated arguments and make-wrongs that could ensue?
Chen said, "If people have bottled up their feelings too long, those outbursts are natural and they are temporary. But look, would you want another person whom you care about to be honest with you? And if so, why wouldn't you let a parent know how you really feel. You will feel less upset at least and if you desire, the relationship will then have a chance to heal - because of your honesty."
Chen's background has been a management consultant who has taken up issues on parenting and marriage to business and working professionals around the world. She found that many hardworking professionals would like to be closer to their parents or to their children or to their spouse but they lack the knowledge of how to mend the relationships.
One of the topic that she has taught is "How to Love Your Parent/Child or Your Spouse in Spite of Who They Are." Chen's works have appeared in over 15 countries and in 3 languages. Her next workshop will be on July 20th in Los Angeles CA.