Fark.com Announces its Top Headlines of 2013

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Farkers are a sarcastic bunch, and the headlines of Fark reflect that irreverence. Here are their favorite headlines of 2013.

With 2013 now closed, the irreverent news aggregation site Fark.com has released its top headlines of 2013, with its list of Fark's best headlines as selected by its readers. The contests included general news as well as the the site's favorite news headlines in the categories of sports, geek, entertainment, politics, and business. These are the top headlines in each category:


Actual headline: "FBI joins search for missing Brown student". There's a first time for everything, I suppose


"Redskins come up short against Cowboys." Boy, that's a really flippant way to describe North American history


The lost Doctor Who episodes were found in a storage room in Nigeria. Apparently the owner kept trying to email people about them, asking for a small fee to cover shipping costs, but no one would reply


Yoko Ono goes on tour of Pennsylvania fracking sites. Because if there's one thing Yoko Ono knows about, it's using pressure to break up rock groups


Susan Sarandon: "You can't just vote with your vagina." Maybe you could back in the day when voting machines had levers, but they're all crappy touch screens now


U.S. automakers struggle with reliability, but so far have still managed to fend it off

Some honorable mentions that didn't get enough votes for top honors:

  • Earth Wind and Fire concert canceled due to water
  • Shootout near golf course leaves hole in one
  • NFL to have its first full-time female referee in 2014. Instant replay on penalties not necessary since women never forget anything a man does wrong
  • NBA player Jason Collins comes out as gay, which makes him the third gay Wizard after Gandalf and Dumbledore
  • Lab scientists get regenerated human heart tissue to beat on its own, try to bury it under the floorboards to make the damn thing stop
  • Chris Brown smashes his Porsche into a wall, but only because he loves it so much
  • New film covers what "Lincoln" missed. Intermission?
  • Robin Thicke sues Marvin Gaye's family, apparently unaware of what Marvin Gaye's family is capable of
  • Mark Sanford is set to announce his plan to run for Congress, where he hopes to join the House Committee on Foreign Affairs
  • Two large funeral firms to merge, form Megadeath
  • Nike's "Just Do It" slogan is now 25 years old... which makes it 15 years too old to make their shoes

To see all the contests and the runners-up, go to http://www.fark.com/comments/blog372.

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Tony Deconinck
Fark.com, Inc.
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