When you stop using sex to avoid feelings, two results occur: you have the chance to learn about the emotions that you have been running from and when engaging in sex for the purpose of pleasure rather than escape you have better sex!
New York, New York (PRWEB) August 06, 2014
Sex and grief have a relationship that is rarely spoken about. Men and women often have different ways they cope with their stressors. This is true with grief and, in some cases, it is apparent that sex may be used to cope with the ravages of loss. Sexual desire, also known as libido, is affected by 3 factors: biological, social and psychological.
Edy Nathan MA, LCSW states, “Grief affects people differently, though the devastation that is incurred from a loss impacts the emotional stability and social outreach for many. There is an external loss that interacts with instinctual desire that stimulates a craving to sexually act in ways that are not normal to the individual rather are evoked from a psychological emptiness and melancholia.”
These are 5 signs that indicate that sex may be used to cope with grief:
1. Seeking out sexual pleasure as a distraction: Using sex to disappear from the pain of loss.
2. Anonymous sexual partnering: Choosing sexual partners who are one-night stands allows the sexual act to occur without any emotional attachment. Often people think that men are the only ones who pull this off, however, women will often look for these types of hook-ups: they simply remain silent about it. This also allows for the sexual act to be in the control of the seeker. They may not control the intensity of the grief, however they can control the sexual situation they are in.
3. Danger Seeking: If the loss is sudden, through the shock and numbness there is often a desire to feel. When sex is used to cope with the onslaught and intensity of the mourning process, dangerous or painful sex can be sought out. It is a way to feel when numbness embodies the soul.
4. Desiring intense connections: When the world is experienced as brittle and the grief creates an empty hole in the soul, sexual urges can be intense and insistent. Obsessive thinking about the loss often abates when sexually involved.
5. Craving to procreate: Often when a child dies the parents want to have another child if they are young enough and stable enough to do so. They believe all that new life will help them cope with their grief.
Knowing the self is an aid to identify if sex is being used to counter the emotional toll of grief. Sex feels good and surely can act as a buffer to emotions that would rather not be experienced. Take a moment and determine if the 5 signs speak to the way in which the body and mind are coping with loss. If so, begin to untangle the sexual web by withholding urges as a means to discover and uncover the internal discord of grief.
Edy Nathan believes, “When you stop using sex to avoid feelings, two results occur: you have the chance to learn about the emotions that you have been running from and when engaging in sex for the purpose of pleasure rather than escape you have better sex!”
For a complimentary grief meditation and more information about other topics related to grief, loss and trauma, please visit here.
About Edy Nathan:
Edy Nathan is a licensed psychotherapist with over 20 years of experience specializing in grief. For two seasons she was the therapist on the A&E TV Show, “Psychic Kids”. She holds Masters from both New York University and Fordham University. She has post-graduate training from the Ackerman Institute for Family Therapy, The Gestalt Center and the Jungian Institute. She is a certified EMDR practitioner, regression therapist, certified hypnotherapist and grief expert. To find out more, visit EdyNathan.com.