Get ready to squirm. These barbaric Halloween treats are absolutely real, and they take the gross-out factor one step further than one step too far. See attached files for pictures.
Los Angeles, CA (PRWEB) October 22, 2014
Are these Disgusting Halloween Candies Even Real?
Get ready to squirm. These barbaric Halloween treats are absolutely real, and they take the gross-out factor one step further than one step too far. See attached files for all pictures
Gummy Boogers… with “Salty” Aftertaste?
That’s right. Dried nasal mucus now comes in three flavors with equally vulgar names like Snottermelon, Sour Green Boogy, and Lemon Loogy. Each is a different size and shape, with a squishy texture, just like a real booger. The best part is the slightly salty aftertaste—a familiar flavor to ill-mannered children (and adults) everywhere.
Dead Crickets—No, Really.
There are no sour gooey centers or hard candy shells on these unsettling delicacies. That’s because they’re just dead crickets, no gimmicks or camera tricks. They do, however, have a flavorful coating of Bacon & Cheese, Salt & Vinegar, or Sour Cream & Onion powder. Somehow, that just makes them even more disturbing. Everyone knows dead insects are supposed to be coated in chocolate (more on that later).
Poop that’s a little Too Realistic
Thankfully, this one is actually a gimmick. The three-inch turds are really just molded milk chocolate. What makes them so unsettling is the painstaking detail that has been put into their slick, slightly porous texture. They even come in plastic doggy bags with “green grass” confetti. Removing one from the bag is sure to bring back memories of trips to the dog park.
Crunchy Candy Pickles... that Taste like Fruit?
It’s hard to imagine who might have hosted the meeting where these bumpy green cucumber candies were deemed passable, let alone which participant decided they should taste sweet and fruity. But then, wouldn’t most people sink their teeth into a juicy dill pickle and think, “If only this tasted more like fruit”? Okay, maybe nobody would ever think that. It doesn’t help that the candies themselves look more like green excrement than any kind of gourd… or fruit, for that matter.
Scorpion Lollipops (You Know, for the Kids)
Most people might think there would be some kind of health code prohibiting the distribution of lollipops containing real scorpions, at least to minors. There isn’t. As it turns out, the predatory arthropod is perfectly harmless—and even edible—once its venomous stinger has been removed (preferably after it’s been dead for a while). Of course, most people would still turn lily-livered as soon as they felt that bumpy exoskeleton against their tongues.
Labeled Urine Samples—Here’s to Good Health!
Trained health professionals might be able to spot the gimmick here, but most people would be fooled if they saw one of these containers out in public. Finding one in a public restroom, or left behind at a bus stop somewhere would probably lead to more more dry heaving than drooling. Chances are, nobody would even dare to touch this candy urine sample, let alone imbibe its sour liquid contents. Of course, that’s when some astute prankster would come along and chug the whole thing to the disgust of everyone watching.
Insects Laid to Rest… in Chocolate
Almost any food can be improved upon by being dipped in chocolate. Twinkies? Plunge ‘em in the sweet brown stuff. Strips of bacon? Lather ‘em up. Chocolate covered corndogs? That one might work. But insects? As in, real insects? Like, dead grub worm, slug, and grasshopper-type insects? Probably a good place to draw the line. The fact that their curled up carcasses are just distinguishable beneath those layers of creamy chocolate only makes it worse.
Squishy Chunks of Ear Wax
Eating boogers is one thing. Most people at least tried a sample of their own back in grade school, just to see what all the hype was about. But even then, it never occurred to anyone that the inner depths of their ear canals might provide a similarly scrumptious source of food. Well, apparently it occurred to at least one person, because these gummy earwax candies exist. They come in dark yellow lumps, just like the real deal. Thankfully, they taste like regular gummies.
Toilet Lollipops, Complete with Fecal Matter
Lollipops shaped like tiny toilets might be a tad distasteful, but they’re still acceptable. Lollipops shaped like tiny toilets soiled with runny brown feces? That’s a little different. Of course, the soupy brown sewage that appears to be the mark of a person with serious giardia is really just a squirt of brown liquid candy. On the other hand, the fact that it’s there, sitting at the bottom of each bowl, makes the experience of lapping it up a little too… vivid.
Candy Ant Farms (Now with Real Ants)
It’s just a bunch of colorful hard candy slabs designed to look like miniature ant farms, right? Well, yeah, except that those little black spots that look like ants are in fact real dead ants, entombed forever in their sugary prisons… at least, until some unsuspecting party guest comes along and licks his way to their crunchy corpses. Rest assured, these insects are as harmless and edible as all the others. Somehow, that may not be reassuring enough.
Finally! Edible Toxic Sludge
Most people have probably never experienced that sudden urge to break into their nearest toxic waste dump, wrench open one of the steel drums, and chug hazardous slime to their heart’s content. Then again, most people wouldn’t get a kick out of serving miniature versions of the stuff on Halloween. Yes, these are pieces of gum shaped like toxic waste barrels, and they even have their own oozing green stuff inside. Their contents may not be radioactive, but they are extremely sour.
Want to squirm even more? Check out the whole smorgasbord of revolting Halloween goodies from CandyWarehouse.com, including all of those above, plus gummy worm-infested brains and fish head suckers, by clicking here.