Dating after Separation and Divorce

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Just in time for Valentine’s Day, Divorce Magazine offers some helpful advice for those considering re-entering the dating world after separation and divorce.

dating after divorce

Dating after Separation and Divorce

Before separated or divorced people should even consider dating again, they need to make sure they’re past the “walking wounded” stage following their relationship breakdown.

Before separated or divorced people should even consider dating again, they need to make sure they’re past the “walking wounded” stage following their relationship breakdown. How long will it take to reach this stage? According to divorce experts Dr. Bruce Fisher and Dr. Robert Alberti, the co-authors of Rebuilding: When Your Relationship Ends: “Studies indicate that on the average it takes about a year to get up above the tree line (past the really painful, negative stages of the climb), and longer to reach the top. Some will make it in less time, others in more. Some research suggests that a few in our climbing party will need as long as three to five years.”

Separated or divorced people might be ready to start dating again if:

  •     the thought of their ex-spouse no longer generates intense feelings of anger, hatred, or grief;
  •     they no longer feel the need to talk about or badmouth their ex ad nauseam;
  •     revenge fantasies don’t excite them anymore;
  •     they realize that they haven’t even thought about their ex in months.

Before separated or divorced people start dating again, however, there may be one more crucial obstacle to hurdle: their relationship with themselves. During and after divorce, self-esteem can take a real beating. “If someone doesn’t think he or she is a pretty great person with lots to offer a new partner, they need to work on rebuilding their self-esteem before going out in search of a soulmate,” advises Diana Shepherd, Editorial Director and Co-Founder of Divorce Magazine. “The first thing divorced people need to do is to restore their self-confidence to a healthy level. At the same time, they should work on discovering their new, single identity.” Divorce offers people the opportunity to re-invent themselves: either as the person they were before marriage, or the person they’ve always wanted to be. “Separated or divorced people need to find out who they are now before they can start looking for someone to date,” says Shepherd.

First Date Dos and Don’ts for the Divorced

  •     Do try to look good. Some people neglect their appearance during their marriage or divorce; now’s the time to update that hairstyle and buy an outfit from this decade.
  •     Do prepare a short, sane answer to the question: “What caused the divorce?” This is enough information for a first date: “I’ve been divorced for about two years now. It was a friendly divorce, and I wish my ex all the best.”
  •     Do listen at least as much as you talk, and make lots of eye contact.
  •     Don’t start spewing hate and vitriol or burst into tears when discussing the ex-spouse or divorce. If this happens, rethink dating at this time.
  •     Don’t interrogate the other person. The object is to have fun while getting to know each other – not to interview for the position of “next spouse.”
  •     Don’t fight about who picks up the check.
  •     Don’t sleep with him/her on your first date.

For more about rebuilding self-esteem post-divorce, read “Recovering Your Self-Esteem”. For more advice about relationships and dating after divorce, go to: http://www.divorcemag.com/relationships-and-datin

Published since 1996, Divorce Magazine is North America’s only magazine devoted entirely to divorce-related issues. The magazine is the authoritative voice on separation and divorce, offering expert advice and practical information designed to minimize emotional and financial stress for individuals and families going through the process. This comprehensive publication and website covers all key issues – from child support to custody, mediation to litigation, financial preparation to emotional recovery.
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Divorce Magazine is published by Divorce Marketing Group – the only one-stop marketing agency dedicated to helping family lawyers and other divorce professionals grow their practices. Divorce Marketing Group offers a full range of marketing services, including: website design and promotion, online reputation management, social media marketing, video and podcast marketing, and print and online advertising. Their other products include http://www.DivorceMagazine.com, Family Lawyer Magazine and http://www.FamilyLawyerMagazine.com, ten print and web-based Divorce Guides, and monthly eNewsletters. For more information, please contact CEO Dan Couvrette at (866) 803-6667 ext. 124 or email DanC@DivorceMarketingGroup.com.

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