Like Me, Like Me Not - New Study Looks At The Motives Behind A Need For Approval

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A new study by PsychTests.com indicates that people who think it’s important to be liked by everyone tend to be compelled by a lack of self-love.

When we don’t like ourselves, we look for love in all the wrong places.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to be liked by others…unless it’s because you don’t like yourself.

In almost all cases, an intense need to be liked stems from a need to show more love to ourselves.

If Facebook, Twitter, and the like have taught us anything, it’s that humans are social creatures. Even for those who crave solitude, there may still be an innate and completely normal desire to feel connected, to feel a sense of belonging. What isn’t healthy, however, is when a person considers it of crucial importance to be liked by every person they meet. A recent study by PsychTests.com reveals that behind a need to be loved lies a poor sense of self-worth, an intense need for approval, and even a touch of narcissism.

Analyzing data from 14,000 who took their Self-Esteem Test, researchers compared two distinct groups: Those who want to be liked by everyone, and those who have a low need for approval. Here’s what their study revealed:

LACK OF SELF-WORTH

  • 33% of people who need to be liked by everyone actually don’t like themselves very much (compared to 10% of people with a low need for approval).
  • 49% of people who need to be liked consider themselves to be “worthless” and “useless” (compared to 13%).
  • 39% of people who need to be liked believe that they will never amount to anything or become anyone of significance (compared to 11%).
  • 50% of people who need to be liked consider themselves boring (compared to 15%).
  • If they were to find a loving partner, 63% of people who need to be liked said that they would do anything to keep their partner because they don’t believe they would be able to find love again (compared to 22%).

INTENSE FEAR OF REJECTION

  • 71% of people who need to be liked are afraid of being rejected by their friends (compared to 15%).
  • 69% of people who need to be liked avoid arguments because they are afraid of being disliked or rejected (compared to 17%).
  • 65% of people who need to be liked believe that they will only be respected if they are attractive and/or successful (compared to 16%).

INTENSE NEED FOR APPROVAL

  • 37% of those who need to be liked give more weight to other people’s opinion than their own (compared to 11%).
  • 47% of people who need to be liked need constant validation that they are loved (compared to 11%).
  • 62% of people who need to be liked change their opinions, personality, or appearance in order to be accepted (compared to 8%).
  • 66% of people who need to be liked ask other people for advice before making a decision (compared to 27%).

NARCISSISTIC TENDENCIES

  • 40% of people who need to be liked prefer to associate exclusively with successful and/or popular people (compared to 14%).
  • 43% of people who need to be liked get angry when others don’t praise their accomplishments (compared to 6%).

“People who want to be liked by everyone were outscored 76 to 40 on our self-esteem test. This attests to the fact that a desire to belong and to be liked does not always stem from healthy sources,” explains Dr. Jerabek, president of PsychTests. “Most of us will be a little put off if we found out someone didn’t like us - that’s totally understandable. However, if you go to great lengths to be liked, such as completely changing who you are, and get really upset, hurt, and angry if someone dislikes you, that’s when a need for approval becomes a problem. That’s when you need to stop, look within yourself, and ask, ‘Why am I feeling this way? Why do I want this person to like me so much? What is this situation and person trying to teach me?’ Chances are that these questions will lead to one answer: A lack of self-love. In almost all cases, an intense need to be liked stems from a need to show more love to ourselves. Yes, it feels good when someone loves you, accepts you for who you are, and makes you feel special. It may even fill that empty hole that you feel, to some degree. But there is nothing more powerful, more uplifting, more fulfilling, than a healthy degree of self-love.”

How’s your self-esteem? Check out https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3102

Professional users can request a free demo for SEA - R2 (Self-Esteem Assessment - 2nd Revision) or any other assessments from ARCH Profile’s extensive battery: http://hrtests.archprofile.com/testdrive_gen_1

To learn more about psychological testing, download this free eBook: http://hrtests.archprofile.com/personality-tests-in-hr

About PsychTests AIM Inc.
PsychTests AIM Inc. originally appeared on the internet scene in 1996. Since its inception, it has become a pre-eminent provider of psychological assessment products and services to human resource personnel, therapists, academics, researchers and a host of other professionals around the world. PsychTests AIM Inc. staff is comprised of a dedicated team of psychologists, test developers, researchers, statisticians, writers, and artificial intelligence experts (see ARCHProfile.com). The company’s research division, Plumeus Inc., is supported in part by Research and Development Tax Credit awarded by Industry Canada.

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Ilona Jerabek, Ph.D.
@Queendom
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