How the Entitlement Mentality is Causing Marriage Problems in the US, Explains Marriage Expert

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Bestselling author and matchmaking extraordinaire Hellen Chen talks about how the entitlement mentality has affected marriages around the world. Her latest book "Hellen Chen's Love Seminar" covers vital love lessons that most people have not learned from young.

Matchmaker Hellen Chen

Marriage Expert Hellen Chen helping a young bride at her big wedding day.

After dating for a while, a person ends up gaining mostly negative experiences -- not knowing the reasons of failure, this person continues to look for the “relationship security” that never comes about.

After helping at least 100 unwilling singles to nod their heads and become married, matchmaker extraordinaire and bestselling author Hellen Chen continues to travel the world to counsel married couples on how to make their relationship last, especially in Asia and America where new marriages have declined and the divorce rates have climbed up.

Chen has earned the title of "The Matchmaker of the Century" because unlike conventional matchmakers, her prospects are often skeptical men and women who have resisted the idea of marriage.

This year, the marriage rate in America is continuing its downward slide, with an all-time low on the number of American women getting married.

A report released recently by Bowling Green State University's National Center for Marriage and Family Research revealed that the U.S. marriage rate is currently at 31.1, that means there are 31 marriages per 1,000 unmarried women. However, in 1920, the national marriage rate was 92.3.

“Marriage is a simple institution where two persons in love come together to build a family. But now it has become highly complex from just looking at the array of tools that are made available for just ‘choosing a right partner.’” said Chen.

Though dating websites, profile matchmaking and even dating shows on TV etc. have provided Americans different possibilities on what is considered a “matching” partner, the issue of what makes a relationship last has never been fully addressed. Regardless of the looks, financial weakness or strength and how matching or un-matching a partner seems to be, divorce is the result in every 2-3 US marriages.

“We live in a world of i-phones, i-pods, it is all “I’s,” Chen said, “In a marriage, if it is all about what ‘I’ like, what ‘I’ want, that marriage will have no chance whatsoever to survive.”

Another phenomenon is the growing entitlement mentality.

An entitlement is defined on Wikipedia as a guarantee of access to something, such as to welfare benefits, based on established rights or by legislation. However, carrying this concept into a marriage will mean a man or a woman will need to be “guaranteed” love or financial support from their better half or guaranteed good temper and nice words.

“It is okay to take care of Number One with your own efforts. But if you are expecting another person to take care of you or guarantee you something, this is where the problem starts,” said Chen.

According to Chen, the entitlement mentality of “you-owe-me” or “I-am-entitled-to-receive” is a top reason behind divorces.

“Divorce does not mean marriage problems have been fully resolved. A person who has an entitlement mentality will still have this mentality in the new marriage unless he or she changes,” Chen said.

Chen points out further that the modern dating culture breeds the entitlement mentality. It encourages men and women to use unreal criteria to see if another person may fit. It encourages couples not to commit but to date for a number of years first to ‘check each other out.’

However, in the quest for “relationship guarantees,” over 90% of dating results in breakups. After dating for a while, a person ends up gaining mostly negative experiences -- lots of wounds to heal and more fearful than ever of being hurt, and worse, not knowing the reasons of failure, this person continues to look for the “relationship security” that never comes about. This security is usually demanded from his or her partner, no different than entitlements are demanded in the workplace or from governmental welfare agencies.

Chen wrote in her latest book: “Hellen Chen’s Love Seminar” (an upcoming new release at on Oct 30th) about what usually happens when a couple only dates and is not serious to get married, “…after some years of being together, a couple who is only dating will just get better in hiding certain things from each other and the number of things not revealed become more and more...”

“You are a different person now than you were 10 years ago. And you do not even know what will become of you 10 years from now. Why would you spend so much time to try to find out if a person is suitable for you now when he or she may change anyway?” Chen said in a TV interview from Los Angeles.

“Do you have the ability to love and do you have the ability to finish this journey without throwing in the towel, regardless of who is your partner? These are the more worthwhile strengths to develop that can indeed make a relationship last.” Chen smiled.

Chen has recently completed a love seminar in Los Angeles that teaches singles and couples how to make their relationship last.

Chen’s work has been featured in over 200 media publications in 18 countries.

Her latest new book Hellen Chen's Love Seminar which highlights the basic love lessons to learn will be released on on Oct 30th. The first 1000 readers will be able to receive exclusive gifts from her site: http://MatchmakerOfTheCentury.com__ title__

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