Greed, Fear, Misogyny - Human Nature or Misdirected Sex Energy?

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Theory in new science fiction novel by Ard Falten suggests humans have been using the wrong hand.

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In the science fiction comedy, "Groganzola! Princess Noodle Head and the Sex Zombies from Earth", the author wraps a zany adventure around a theory that Earthlings are doomed because many of us, especially men, flood the side of the brain where generals, accountants, and scientists work with energy that's meant to stimulate pleasure and reproduction.

The right hand is connected to the side of the brain for math and logic and the left hand is connected to the side of the brain for emotion, creativity, and orgasm. According to the theory, learning sex with the tool hand burns in long-lasting associations that divert impatient satisfaction-demanding energy away from the pleasure centers and into parts of the brain that are supposed to be patient and objective.

Masturbation is treated with slapstick comedy no more explicit than a Judd Apatow movie or an episode of Real Time with Bill Maher, and 'groganzola' is blamed for everything from smaller orgasms to galactic-scale destruction. The novel suggests some of the human behavioral problems often blamed on 'human nature' or 'lizard brains' have become more common in the last few thousand years since humans became 'civilized' and began delaying the age of reproduction. Maybe some of those problems should be re-examined with 'groganzola' in mind.

Here are some symptoms, varying according to genes, environment, left brain right brain interaction, and other factors woven into the story:

GREED: Where numbers are processed, that energy wants more, bigger, faster.

AUTHORITARIANISM AND FEAR: Where logic is done, that impatient sex energy wants quick easy answers to end the thinking. Psychologists point out that a defining characteristic of authoritarians is their need for certainty. They have a high 'Uncertainty Avoidance Index', or UAI. Since life is complicated and unpredictable and full of uncertainty the need for certainty produces stress and fear. Fear builds until certainty becomes more important than truth. It so happens that the 'best' authoritarian leaders project royal certitude - they are never wrong, promise order, and paint the world in simple black and white.

MISOGYNY: A stranded alien explains to some state troopers how anatomical differences may make the symptoms worse for men, turning women into a source of uncertainty to be objectified and controlled. In the left side of the brain beauty and pleasure are measured with numbers.

"Right handed masturbation makes men greedy, frightened, and foolish. Most important, it makes them easy to control," explains a villain as he lays out the ancient secret of authoritarian power with a model of a human brain and a horny stallion. He warns of dire consequences if the heroine and the alien are able to stop groganzola on Earth; "Nature's uncertainty will stimulate imagination instead of fear. Dormant brain functions will awaken. Earth's traditional power structures will collapse. And, women will be equal with men."



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Ron Johnson