I Think, Therefore I Am…Loved - New Study Looks At Benefits of Self-Awareness on Relationship Satisfaction

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According to a recent study by PsychTests.com, self-awareness - a conscious understanding of one’s needs, desires, motivations, feelings, and values - leads to happier and more harmonious personal relationships.

A partner cannot fulfill our desires if we do not even understand what we want and why.

The better we understand ourselves, the easier it is to connect and get along with other people.

Everything that occurs in our outer world is a reflection of what’s going on in our inner world.

Age-old wisdom dictates that in order to be loved, a person must first love themselves. Otherwise, they will doubt their partner’s adoration and loyalty, and even question whether they deserve to be loved in the first place. It appears that the same could be said of self-awareness. Research conducted by PsychTests.com indicates that people who are self-aware tend to enjoy more fulfilling relationships because they use their self-knowledge to better manage their feelings, to understand what they want and need from a partner, and to take responsibility for their own happiness rather than relying on someone else to make them feel whole.

Analyzing data collected from 12,259 people who took the Emotional Intelligence Test, PsychTests’ researchers looked at how self-awareness impacts relationship satisfaction. Here is what their study revealed: (Note: Scores are on a scale from 0 to 100)

  • Self-aware people are more comfortable expressing their feelings (score of 69 vs. 28 for unaware people, a 41-point difference). They understand the importance of emotional vulnerability, and how it allows them to connect with someone on a deeper level. Self-aware people don’t fear their emotions, because they know that their feelings are a part of who they are.
  • Self-aware people are better at regulating their emotions (score of 76 vs. 30 for unaware people, a 46-point difference). They are attuned to their feelings, and understand what makes them sad, angry, or anxious, and why. This allows them to put emotionally charged situations in perspective. Self-aware people also understand that feelings are self-generated and therefore, within their power to control. So a partner can’t “make them” feel upset, unhappy, or unworthy - they choose how they respond to external triggers and how they interpret difficult situation.
  • Self-aware people are good at resolving conflict (score of 83 vs. 61 for unaware people, a 22-point difference). They understand how their words and actions can impact other people, and are willing to take responsibility for the role they played in creating the conflict.
  • Self-aware people are flexible (score of 84 vs. 62 for unaware people, a 22-point difference). Self-aware people know what they want and why, and they use it as motivation to take actions that are aligned with their goals. They also understand that putting their foot down too often and too firmly will not serve them in all situations. Thus, they are much more willing to compromise. This also means that they know how to pick their battles wisely (where they also outscored unaware people 79 to 58, a 21-point difference).    
  • Self-aware people have higher self-esteem (score of 90 vs. 39 for unaware people, a 51-point difference). They recognize their worth, and will therefore choose partners who will respect them and treat them well. It also means that they are less likely to struggle with self-doubt and jealousy, which can harm their relationships. This ties into assertiveness as well, where self-aware people outscored unaware people 75 to 30 (a 45-point difference).
  • Self-aware people know, and are willing to stand by, their values (score of 89 vs. 62 for unaware people, a 27-point difference). This means that they will consciously choose partners who share their ideals and principles, improving the compatibility of the couple.
  • Self-aware people are happier in general and more satisfied with their lives (score of 82 vs. 25 for unaware people, a 57-point difference). They know what they need in order to feel fulfilled, and when they are discontent with some aspect of their circumstances, they will take steps to change things. This also means that they won’t place the responsibility of their happiness on their partner’s shoulders, a mistake that many people often make.
  • Self-aware people are less likely to ruminate (score of 25 vs. 77 for unaware people, a 52-point difference). This means that they won’t endlessly entertain self-doubts about their partner’s love or loyalty, or contemplate everything that could go wrong, and consequently, sabotage their relationship.

“It might seem odd that self-awareness has such a significant impact on the quality of our relationships, because we think of self-understanding as only affecting what happens inside of us,” explains Dr. Ilona Jerabek, president of PsychTests. “However, everything that occurs in our outer world is a reflection of what’s going on in our inner world. So if you hate yourself, lack self-respect, and believe you are unworthy of love, all of that will be mirrored back to you: you are more likely to attract people who mistreat you and relationships that don’t fulfill you.”

“If you lack self-awareness - or have an inaccurate perception of yourself - you’re less likely to understand why you’re unhappy, why things are going wrong in your relationships, and what you need to change in yourself in order to make things better. You will lay the responsibility for your happiness on someone else’s shoulders, and that almost always ends in disappointment. Your partner is not a mind reader or a magician; he or she won’t know how to fill the emptiness you feel…only you know what you need in order to feel fulfilled. This is why self-awareness is so important. If you know what you desire and what you don’t want, what motivates your actions and what you value, and are attuned to your feelings, you can take the type of actions and make the kind of decisions that move you forward, help you grow, and make you happier. This in turn will attract the right partner to you - someone who recognizes your value, rather than determining your worth.”

Want to assess your EQ? Check out our Emotional Intelligence Test at https://testyourself.psychtests.com/testid/3979

Professional users, such as HR managers, coaches, and therapists, can request a free demo for this or other assessments from ARCH Profile’s extensive battery: http://hrtests.archprofile.com/testdrive_gen_1

To learn more about psychological testing, download this free eBook: http://hrtests.archprofile.com/personality-tests-in-hr

About PsychTests AIM Inc.
PsychTests AIM Inc. originally appeared on the internet scene in 1996. Since its inception, it has become a pre-eminent provider of psychological assessment products and services to human resource personnel, therapists and coaches, academics, researchers and a host of other professionals around the world. PsychTests AIM Inc. staff is comprised of a dedicated team of psychologists, test developers, researchers, statisticians, writers, and artificial intelligence experts (see ARCHProfile.com).

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Ilona Jerabek, Ph.D
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