TURNERSVILLE, N.J., Oct. 23, 2018 /PRNewswire-PRWeb/ -- has had his fill of Hallmark Channel's holiday movies; he thinks they drip unnatural doses of corn and sentimentality. The New Jersey blogger today published an alternative approach to the genre in a post called Hellmark: Christmas Movies For The Rest of Us.
Visitors to Hellmark (http://www.hellmarkmovies.com) will find commentary from Martelli and descriptions of ten movie plots that he proposes would make far more interesting holiday fare than Hallmark's repetitive, saccharine offerings. He invites readers to vote for favorites and to share comments.
"In just a few days, Hallmark Channel will unleash its Countdown to Christmas on America. Their marketing team is claiming 22 new movies," Martelli noted with disbelief. "All but the amnestic realize that Hallmark milks and tweaks the same inane plots over and over again. Label me a grinch, but I just don't care about the dashed dreams of personal shoppers, the secret longings of pastry chefs, or the earnest searches of European princes to find suitable brides. No matter how much fake snow is falling."
Martelli says that he was first subjected to Hallmark Channel's mind-numbing, cookie-cutter Christmas movies by his wife, an otherwise loving woman.
"She would have them on constantly, even the July reruns. When I sat down to watch some with her, it started to feel like Ground Hog Day," Martelli said. "I mean, does Ed Asner just show up in every town that has a park bench? Is every school janitor Santa in disguise?"
Martelli admits that his Hellmark movie ideas are not for everyone.
"If you find The Three Stooges uplifting, if you have memorized Caddyshack, if you know that Joe Louis was 137-years-old when he fought Rocky Marciano, there's a chance you'll see some redeeming value in Hellmark," he stated. "But no, I don't think Masterpiece PBS will be reaching out soon to negotiate movie rights."
Potential Olive Branch
Martelli does envision one way to coexist with Hallmark and its holiday movies: product positioning.
"I own a skin care brand. Lacey Chabert has skin," Martelli noted. "Just spitballin' here, but maybe after tear-jerker scenes, The Queen of Hallmark can soothe her red, puffy skin with a Bel Mondo Beauty (http://www.belmondobeauty.com) sheet mask. She could even set out complimentary masks in the guest rooms of that country inn she's always renovating."
SOURCE Lou Martelli
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